Is it really that hard to treat people right? I don't understand some people. In my eyes, if you like someone, you do what you can to make them happy, including being honest.
I think I deserve a little bit more than being lied to. Don't lie to me about being single, when you're not. Don't attempt to get me to be some "booty call", b/c it's not happening. I deserve alot more than that. I'm not a bad person, so I refuse to let myself get into another bad situation. What exactly do I deserve? I deserve to be happy. If it's in a relationship, that's even better. Why can't I have guy friends that just want to be friends for now? What's so wrong about that?
I have all these guy "friends" and only a very few people have asked if I needed their help this weekend with the move. So, obviously the others only want to come around when it's convenient for them. Who cares what I want, right? Wrong! I'm putting an end to it all right now. I'm sick of it.
The end
xoxo
Ok, I'm editing this, b/c now that I read it, it seems like I'm doing nothing but whining and complaining, which I'm not. I'm just stating how I feel. Now that I've calmed down a little, let me redo this...
Ever since Terry and I broke up, I have liked & dated guys. Have I been in a real relationship? No. I haven't found one guy that's really worth a shit dating. All guys seem nice at first. And really, there are a few that are still very nice. They may have made some bad decisions (like maybe getting back with an ex or something) but they are still nice. I do wish everyone all the happiness they can get, but I just wish it was my turn. I'm happy right now, but there's nothing like being in a REALLY good relationship, with no bullshit, no lies, nothing bad. Not all guys are bad. There are just those stupid "seeds" that leave that mark.
Oh and btw... If no one believes in karma, trust me on this one, it exists. I have been bit in the ass by karma for about 5 months now. If it's not one thing, it's another. I swear. From now on, I'm changing how I act towards people. I have to learn how to keep my mouth shut at times, and walk away. And that's what I'm going to do.
Ok bye again!
xoxoxo
Monday, May 18, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Things going on.
Monday morning, I woke up bored with my hair. So, I called my sister and told her I wanted a huge cut. I talked to Monica about it @ work and she thought I was going through early mid-life crisis (hehe). Seriously though, she said that it's probably b/c I have no control over anything in my life anymore, but I have control over my hair. And since that's about the only thing I have control over, then I'm going to do something about it. So guess what? I did. I got about 8-9 inches cut off, colored and highlighted. It is the shortest that it has EVER been and I'm in love with it. It's amazing how a dramatic hair change will effect your attitude.
I'm moving in almost a week. I'm going to REALLY miss this house. I hate having to give up something I worked so damn hard for, but I know it's for the best. I think what scares me, is that I'm moving in with my mom again. When I lived with her last, we never got along. We always clashed regarding raising my sons. There's going to be tons of drama, and the thing that sucks about it, is that I really don't have anyone to talk to about it. I think slowly, I'm getting a few friends here and there, but I don't talk to them on a daily basis. Of course, they're all guys. I've always been able to get alone better with guys than girls for some reason. And no, that doesn't mean I want to get with them all. Yes, I would like to be in a relationship. Is now a good time? Honestly, I'm not even sure. I like having someone there for me, but I'm not going to just jump into anything. From now on, I'm going to take my time getting to know someone. If it starts out as just friends, then that's ok with me. I don't mind taking the time to do that, but at the same time, I don't like games. I'm the type of person, that if I like a certain person, that's the only person I like. Yes, I will still talk to my guy friends, but I won't go out with them and all that stuff. I do not lead people on. I'm a very honest person, sometimes painfully honest, and that's what I want from the other person. If you can't keep up, then walk away.
I love my life and what it all includes, don't get me wrong, but I do miss certain things. I was asked to hang out this weekend, but I had to decline unfortunately. This is my last weekend to get things packed and cleaned up. If I didn't have the kids around, I could do alot of stuff during the day, but that still leaves me with them at night. I can't go downtown with kids or anything like that. I'm not saying I regret having kids, but it's nice to have some away time everyone in a while. In a week, I won't even have my bed all to myself. I'm just so exhausted with everything going on, and I'm trying my best to keep up. That leads back to having someone around for me. It would be nice to have someone around to help me out, or just be here. It would probably make things more fun. I don't know.
I'm going to stop rambling and get off here. I have a kid to fight to get to sleep. YAY!
xoxoxo!
I'm moving in almost a week. I'm going to REALLY miss this house. I hate having to give up something I worked so damn hard for, but I know it's for the best. I think what scares me, is that I'm moving in with my mom again. When I lived with her last, we never got along. We always clashed regarding raising my sons. There's going to be tons of drama, and the thing that sucks about it, is that I really don't have anyone to talk to about it. I think slowly, I'm getting a few friends here and there, but I don't talk to them on a daily basis. Of course, they're all guys. I've always been able to get alone better with guys than girls for some reason. And no, that doesn't mean I want to get with them all. Yes, I would like to be in a relationship. Is now a good time? Honestly, I'm not even sure. I like having someone there for me, but I'm not going to just jump into anything. From now on, I'm going to take my time getting to know someone. If it starts out as just friends, then that's ok with me. I don't mind taking the time to do that, but at the same time, I don't like games. I'm the type of person, that if I like a certain person, that's the only person I like. Yes, I will still talk to my guy friends, but I won't go out with them and all that stuff. I do not lead people on. I'm a very honest person, sometimes painfully honest, and that's what I want from the other person. If you can't keep up, then walk away.
I love my life and what it all includes, don't get me wrong, but I do miss certain things. I was asked to hang out this weekend, but I had to decline unfortunately. This is my last weekend to get things packed and cleaned up. If I didn't have the kids around, I could do alot of stuff during the day, but that still leaves me with them at night. I can't go downtown with kids or anything like that. I'm not saying I regret having kids, but it's nice to have some away time everyone in a while. In a week, I won't even have my bed all to myself. I'm just so exhausted with everything going on, and I'm trying my best to keep up. That leads back to having someone around for me. It would be nice to have someone around to help me out, or just be here. It would probably make things more fun. I don't know.
I'm going to stop rambling and get off here. I have a kid to fight to get to sleep. YAY!
xoxoxo!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Birthdays
I think I'm done with birthdays. Today was my last one. I'm sick of it raining every year. Last night I went out and had a great time. I hung out wit 2 friends (coworkers), my sister, her friends, and my mom for a little bit. Although I had a blast with all of them, it made me wish that I had friends like my sister. They hang out, expect nothing out of each other (they're guys & girls) and basically, they're all just really cool. And then, there was me.. a 27 year old hanging out with 24 +/- year olds. No, it's not that much of an age difference, but still. I felt like a tag along, no matter how nice they were to me.
I really have no friends I hang out with. Yes, I trust my coworkers, and I see them every day, but it's not outside of work. They have no kids, so they go out all the time. I'm more of a home body, and I think that's one of the reasons I don't have friends. I don't know. It just sucks b/c I can't do anything about it. And if that's the reason, so be it. I wouldn't change it for the world. I don't get out much, and when I do, I just don't feel completely "satisfied" with it.
I'm glad alot of people remembered my birthday, and I appreciate it. But there's one person that I would've appreciated a text message, maybe even hung out with for a little bit today. But all I got was a good morning text. I don't even think he remembered. No, we're not in a relationship, but I do like it. No, I'm not getting in a relationship anytime soon, but still. He's a cool person to talk to and hang out with. He has some things going on, which is probably why I didn't get that text, but it still kind of hurt my feelings. I have this wall I put up around me, so I try not to get too close to anyone, and sometimes it hurts no one but myself. Sometimes, I can be so stupid though. It's not that hard to show someone some kind of interest in them, but for me I guess it is.
I guess I just have some issues to work through and maybe one day, I can find someone that will help me out with that.
Anyhow, tomorrow's a new day and maybe it will get better. I'm going to bed.
Nite xoxoxo
I really have no friends I hang out with. Yes, I trust my coworkers, and I see them every day, but it's not outside of work. They have no kids, so they go out all the time. I'm more of a home body, and I think that's one of the reasons I don't have friends. I don't know. It just sucks b/c I can't do anything about it. And if that's the reason, so be it. I wouldn't change it for the world. I don't get out much, and when I do, I just don't feel completely "satisfied" with it.
I'm glad alot of people remembered my birthday, and I appreciate it. But there's one person that I would've appreciated a text message, maybe even hung out with for a little bit today. But all I got was a good morning text. I don't even think he remembered. No, we're not in a relationship, but I do like it. No, I'm not getting in a relationship anytime soon, but still. He's a cool person to talk to and hang out with. He has some things going on, which is probably why I didn't get that text, but it still kind of hurt my feelings. I have this wall I put up around me, so I try not to get too close to anyone, and sometimes it hurts no one but myself. Sometimes, I can be so stupid though. It's not that hard to show someone some kind of interest in them, but for me I guess it is.
I guess I just have some issues to work through and maybe one day, I can find someone that will help me out with that.
Anyhow, tomorrow's a new day and maybe it will get better. I'm going to bed.
Nite xoxoxo
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